100 Funny Birthday Wishes & Messages

She has each one thinking he is special. In life we go up and down in a constant struggle to find an equilibrium that rarely exists. Will, Men at Work: A reassurance here is very important. The married woman has to either recommit herself to her marriage or grieve the loss of it.

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Tend to relieve us from being a nervous, dyspeptic set. Repair these losses, and be a blessing to us. It beats working for a living. Now that I think of it, Bugs is still my idol. You have to love a ballplayer like that. When I hit a ball, I want someone else to go chase it. I do not resent them. I am even willing to concede that many of them are physically clean, good to their mothers and in favor of world peace.

But while the game is on, I can't think of anything to say to them. Y' know, you take your worries to the game, and you leave 'em there. You yell like crazy for your guys. It's good for your lungs, gives you a lift, and nobody calls the cops. Pretty girls, lots of 'em. But you don't like it when someone's stuffing it into you by the gallon. That's what it feels like when Nolan Ryan's thrown balls by you.

Throw some ground balls. How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many men on the field? Both have their moments. The intervals are the tough things. It is designed to break your heart. The game begins in spring, when everything else begins again, and it blossoms in the summer, filling the afternoons and evenings, and then as soon as the chill rains come, it stops and leaves you to face the fall alone.

That's why no boy from a rich family ever made the big leagues. If you get three strikes, even the best lawyer in the world can't get you off. Babe Ruth has upped Daddy's paycheck by fifteen to forty percent. No matter how bad you are you're going to win one-third of your games. It's the other third that makes the difference. Tomorrow it may rain. You've got to throw the ball over the goddamn plate and give the other man his chance.

That's why baseball is the greatest game of them all. I struck out about 1, times and walked maybe 1, times. You figure a ballplayer will average about at bats a season. That means I played seven years without ever hitting the ball. And if the hitter is timid, he has to remind the hitter he's timid.

You can't make up no trick plays. I feel that almost all Americans are summer people, that summer is what they think of when they think of their childhood. I think it stirs up an incredible emotion within people. He can, and does, devour any set of diamond statistics with insatiable appetite and then nuzzles hungrily for more. I know it's too early, but I've reinstalled the Phillies baseball icon on the home page of my phone. Beard — , tweet, January 15th That's the true harbinger of spring, not crocuses or swallows returning to Capistrano, but the sound of a bat on a ball.

And that's really living. We're reaching the point where you can be a truly dedicated, state-of-the-art fan or you can have a life. There's time to discuss everything between pitches or between innings. A home run is over as soon as it starts The triple is the most exciting play of the game. A triple is like meeting a woman who excites you, spending the evening talking and getting more excited, then taking her home.

It drags on and on. You're never sure how it's going to turn out. Baseball is a love. Willie Mays and Willie Shakespeare. They love to swirl them around their mouths like Bordeaux wine. It's springtime and they're knocking baseball around fields where the grass is damp and green in the morning and the kids are trying to hit the curve ball. Yet, as complex as the American spirit it symbolizes. He and my grandfather, who was left-handed, pitched to me everyday after school in the back yard.

I batted lefty against my dad and righty against my granddad. I don't love most of today's players. The release of atomic energy has not created a new problem. It has merely made more urgent the necessity of solving an existing one.

If you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor. In the beginning was nonsense, and the nonsense was with God, and the nonsense was God. A casual stroll through a lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent. Many are stubborn in pursuit of the path they have chosen, few in pursuit of the goal. Be careful about reading health books.

You may die of a misprint. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

Prejudices are what fools use for reason. If there were no God, it would have been necessary to invent him. No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible. The true triumph of reason is that it enables us to get along with those who do not possess it.

It is hard to free fools from the chains they revere. There are men who can think no deeper than a fact. Anyone who has the power to make you believe absurdities has the power to make you commit injustices. Anything too stupid to be said is sung. By appreciation, we make excellence in others our own property. Governments need to have both shepherds and butchers.

One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors. No one ever teaches well who wants to teach, or governs well who wants to govern. This City is what it is because our citizens are what they are. Courage is knowing what not to fear. The measure of a man is what he does with power. A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

If you are going through hell, keep going. The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter. It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried. Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.

And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time.

But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money. You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Reminds me of something my third-grade teacher said to us. I never fucked a ten, but one night, I fucked five twos. What year did Jesus think it was? It creates a hostile work environment. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it.

They have a different word for everything! There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman.

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